(This is an international Cafe and the visitors speak very different languages)
That life is unfair, we all know that.
Just recently she -an old friend of mine, told me she didn't correspond to me long time ago because she didn't believe I could be really interested in her. Meanwhile, she was interested in me but not to the point she would accept to be my pastime or what she thought were the reason why I was after her.
What were my thoughts at that time? I don't know. I don't remember but because she never gave me the opportunity, she (or should I say we?), never knew or would have known what were my real intentions back then. But let's say she was right and I was not thinking of her the way she wanted me I were, did all the relationships start from the beginning with an end in mind, with some sort of commitment? Who is willing to enter in a relationship type of thing with somebody thinking from the start this is something short term, long term, just for the moment or for a long time?
Isn't it scary that immediately you are born somebody reminds you (or your mother because unless you're quite gifted you still don't speak the language or any language at all: you're so busy trying to make sense of all the things happening around you, the noise, so much light, the hunger, thirst, and much more) that one day you're going to die? It's true but you don't want to know. At least not yet. Right?
The thing is that she told me what I just described in a phone call. Why telling me this now and not before when everything was possible? Because now, I presume, she has had a taste of life, she knows better and perhaps things didn't go the way she wanted them to go and maybe she is regretting that.
Reasons to get disappointed? She sure has! She misses our conversations, our disagreements, the opposing ways we see and discuss things.., I'm sure she's not getting anything close to that. Quite the contrary and a lot of people is suffering the same kind of situation. Life is boring if we don't get to steer ourselves out of the routine we can fall into easily.
And not to go very much further with this theme, I think this is clearly a very good case of self-fulfilling prophecy. Sometimes we tend to think something is real and we act upon this premise which in turn made it very real in its consequences.
Today with the wisdom only time gives, she thinks totally different. Had the possibility of going back in time existed, I know she wouldn't hesitate to surrender to my 'charms' even if the question of her being only a pastime for me were still hanging in her head. The experiences of life she could have had are now more important than all of the things she has accumulated so far. And the question must be haunting her: was it worth it? To go for the perfect life instead of the interesting one as Penelope Trunk would put it...
But there are things in humans we can't change even if we want and try to. I saw her and my eyes didn't like what was in front of them. I think now it's too late for trying to make that lost connection.